


Cyborgs Never Die (they just smell that way)

by spiciest_author



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, One single sentence of mchanzo, Silly, Slice of Life, not a crack fic but it's... dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiciest_author/pseuds/spiciest_author
Summary: It's never really occurred to Genji that he's... getting old.





	Cyborgs Never Die (they just smell that way)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you schweenwinchester for coming up with a title for this! And also thanks to the SAOA discord for annoying-- I mean, supporting me. PS: the file name for this fic is “genji more like BITCH”

It starts when Hanzo has to see Angela on a Thursday afternoon.  
He’s usually pretty good about paying attention to his body’s messages, but he’d been overly focused that morning during his training, and now his bicep aches like he’d been lifting weights for a week straight.  
“It doesn’t look like anything serious,” she assures him, guiding him into moving his shoulder. “Avoid the bow for a week, do gentle stretches, and don’t sleep on that side. If it still hurts, we’ll do some more tests,” she adds.  
“Well, thank you, doctor,” says Hanzo.  
“No trouble. It’s nice to get a normal, minor injury once in a while,” she replies with a laugh.  
Their banter is interrupted by a knock on the opening door and a call of “Can I come in?”

“Hey, Genji, fun fact—it doesn’t count if you’re actively walking into a room when you ask that,”  
“Shut up, Hanzo,” Genji grumbles. “Hey, Angela, do you have any more of those… wrong gloves?”  
Angela frowns at him in confusion before lighting up in understanding. “The non-surgical ones I ordered by accident? Yes, I think there’s a whole box left,”  
“Oh, good. I need to do my hair and this box didn’t include gloves,” Genji says, rifling around a cabinet filled with glove boxes.  
“Are you _dying your hair_?” Hanzo asks, hopping off the exam table.  
“Well, yeah. What other hair-related activities require gloves?”  
“Not to tell you how to live your life or anything, but… aren’t you a little old for neon-green hair?”  
Genji splutters slightly. “I’m not OLD, Hanzo. I’m only thirty-fi—” Genji freezes for a moment. “Oh my god, I’m thirty-five.” He whispers. “How did that happen?!”  
“You… aged? I’m not sure what you’re asking here,” Hanzo says with a roll of his eyes.  
“Okay, LISTEN—”  
“Gentleman,” interrupts Angela, “if you’re going to fight, can you do it outside? There is very expensive equipment in this room,”  
“Of course, my apologies, doctor,” says Hanzo. “Come, Genji, you can have your mid-life crisis outside,”  
“I’m NOT having a crisis,” snapped Genji.  
\----  
Hanzo is reading on a couch in the rec room when he hears the door open and the metallic tap-tap of his brother’s footsteps.  
“Hey, asshole. Move over,” says Genji, shoving Hanzo’s feet aside.  
“There are four other couches in here,” Hanzo huffs, curling his legs under him. He looks up and is almost blinded by the highlighter green of Genji’s hair. “Wow. I think you could signal planes with that thing,”  
“Fuck off, Hanzo,”  
“Okay,” he shrugs, turning back to his book. He hears the door open again and a slight jingle-tap of footsteps.  
“Oh, hey, Jesse,” says Genji suddenly, “am I old?”  
Hanzo looks up to see a slight expression of panic on the cowboy’s face.  
“Uhh… well… kinda?” he replied nervously.  
“So, you think Hanzo’s old, then?”  
“I’m leaving,” says Jesse, doing an about face and walking out the door. Hanzo bursts out laughing.  
“Shut UP, Hanzo,” Genji whines.  
\---  
It’s one of those soft, fuzzy mornings of early fall and Zenyatta suggests they start meditating outside again now that the summer was winding down. As he studied the waves lapping at the shore, one thought buzzed in the back of Genji’s mind.  
“Hey, Zen, am I old?” he asked suddenly.  
“Time is an illusion, my student.”  
“Ok sure but am I old?” he insisted.  
“What brought this on, Genji? Surely watching the ocean did not inspire thoughts of age,” replies Zenyatta.  
“Well, yesterday, Hanzo was teasing me for dying my hair and he said I was too old for it. And I was like, whatever, Hanzo, you don’t have room to talk, with what _you_ did to _your_ hair—but anyways it made me realize that I’m thirty-five years old, Zen,” he sighs, “and… well, that’s kind of old, I think.”  
“If you think you are old, why are you asking me for an opinion?” wonders Zenyatta.  
“Because I don’t WANT to be old, Zen. Being old is boring,” replies Genji.  
“I see. Well, were you boring yesterday?”  
“No! I’m extremely cool, Zen.”  
“But weren’t you thirty-five yesterday?”  
“Well, yeah, Zen, that’s what started this whole thing!”  
“But Genji, if you were not boring and thirty-five yesterday, how can you be thirty-five and boring today?” Zenyatta asks. Genji whines.  
“That’s not the point, Zen, the point is I’m becoming old!”  
“Genji, the thing about being an adult is that you can become as “boring”, as you put it, as you want to be. You don’t have to become dull and read books and complain about the weather,” he points out.  
“That’s… I guess,” mumbles Genji.  
“Although I must say that is a rather garish shade of green,”  
“Shut up, Hanzo,” Genji huffs, before they both start laughing.  
\--  
The fall weather gets everyone excited to stay inside and watch movies. Of course, when they watch anything, drinking is involved, because otherwise, it wouldn’t be as fun. Genji offered to help Hanzo make shots for a drinking game. Well, Genji calls it helping. Hanzo prefers the term “sitting on the kitchen counter and getting in the way”.  
“Hey, Hanzo,” Genji says, as Hanzo works on getting the glasses on trays to move them to the rec room. “Since I died, and was basically reborn, I’m like, 17, pretty much,”  
“Is that so?” Hanzo asks while walking to the door. “Hm… well, I suppose that puts you below the drinking age,” he says smugly.  
“Yeah… wait, what?”  
“Oh, and this movie is rated NC-17… so I guess you can’t watch it! Might as well just go to bed,” he adds with a laugh.  
“You’re not funny,” Genji complains.  
“Hey, everyone, Genji’s seventeen now, so he’s too young for this,” Hanzo announces as he walks into the rec room.  
“SHUT UP, HANZO!”  
\---  
Hanzo loves making rice. Washing the little grains feels good and he can basically do it forever. Plus, rice was just the ideal food. And since there were four people on base that ate rice at least twice a day, he can make it over and over. It’s best in the morning, when the kitchen is quiet and dim.  
“Hey dickhead,” says Genji, barging in with LED’s at full brightness.  
Unfortunately, things didn’t tend to stay quiet and dim in his life.  
“It’s not ready yet,” he replies.  
“Oh, I don’t care about rice,” Hanzo looked very insulted. “But riddle me this, ok? If I’m old, what are you?” Genji asks, sounding very proud of himself.  
“Is… this a trick question?” Hanzo asks. “It’s too early for me to figure out a pun, Genji.”  
“What? No, it’s just like, a normal question,”  
“Genji, if I’m being perfectly honest, I’ve been old for forty years,” sighs Hanzo.  
“Then aren’t you too old to do… all that?” Genji asks, gesturing at his face.  
“Oh, shut up, Genji,”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, you should check out my tumblr, spiciest-sideblog.tumblr.com, where I reblog much better content, and also, Hanzo memes.


End file.
